Interview

I was recently interviewed (in writing) but it was not all published. So here's the whole thing, in case you're interested. If you've already read it, feel free to skip this one. (It's also quite long; I apologize in advance.)

General

What is your life quote?

Forgive.

It’s too simple and amazing an idea; most people don’t get it. Most people don’t know how. I think it’s just as important to forgive ourselves as it is to forgive others.

What are the most important lessons you’ve learned in life?

Forgive. Be/have patience. Finding out I’m much stronger than I imagined. Have faith.

What was the happiest moment of your life? The saddest?

There is so much to life, and so much more that I haven’t lived and experienced yet, that I’m not sure I can realistically answer this. So far, marrying my husband has been the happiest moment of my life; every single day of my life runs a very close second. The day of my grandpa’s memorial service was the saddest. It was then that I realized he was really gone.

How would you like to be remembered?

I want to be remembered as someone who was honest, loving, kind, present, and forgiving. I want people to celebrate my life, not mourn my death; have a party, not a funeral.

What are your hopes and dreams?

These things change a lot as a person grows. At least, they did for me. When I was younger I wanted to be rich and possibly famous when I grew up. I wanted to have cool things: beautiful cars, big expensive houses, luxurious vacations, an insanely large library with a real paper-and-binding copy of the OED (Oxford English Dictionary). But let's be realistic: the OED is something like 20+ volumes and costs about $5,000! Plus, because language is fluid, it's constantly needing to be updated, and that gets cumbersome. The OED is mostly online these days, and a subscription is only $100 or so per year. It was the OED that killed my dreams of grandeur.

As I get older, I get rid of more stuff. I don't need things, it's just clutter. If my house burned down right now, I would grab my wedding album, make sure my wedding ring was on my finger and my husband was safe. What I hope and dream of now is seeing my friends' children grow into amazing people. I hope and dream of having my own children to nurture and be amazed by. I would like to someday live somewhere else, near the mountains maybe, and see what life is like in another place. I would like to travel - back to Europe, to Canada, and all over the US to the incredible places we have here that I've never seen. And some part of me still hopes and dreams to be a writer some day. Even if I only ever write for myself, I want to know that I've done it.

What is your favorite movie/book/song? Why?

Favorite movie: There are actually too many at the top of my list for me to pick just one. I used to say it was One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, but I recently watched it again with my husband; it was not what I remembered. Lots of swearing that I didn't recall, and it was actually quite a depressing and somewhat disturbing story. That's not to say that it's not very well done, but it's no longer my favorite. So that didn't really answer the question, but right now telling you what's not my favorite is easier than telling you what is.

*Brain Wave! Yay! The Fifth Element is my favorite movie. I love it, all the way around. I love the colors – so bold & vibrant; I love the Diva – Plava Laguna; I love Bruce – nuff said. I even love Chris Tucker, as annoying as he can be. Whew, I’m glad I figured this out. The fate of the free world rested on this decision!

Favorite book: This will assure my place in everlasting nerd-dom… The Norton Anthology of English Literature (Middle Ages through the Restoration and Eighteenth Century) and The Norton Anthology of Shakespeare.

Favorite song: My favorite song is a prayer put to music by a very talented woman named Larissa Stowe. It's a Hindu prayer that she sings in Sanskrit and English.

Oh God, lead us from the unreal to the real

Oh God, lead us from darkness to light

Oh God, lead us from death to immortality

Peace to all

It's very simple, but my heart sings and I feel God's presence every time I hear and sing this prayer.

What is your biggest fear?

My biggest fear is that I will one day discover that I have deeply hurt someone dear to me. Through cowardice or ignorance. Or just plain indecision or inability to act.

I also fear heights, spiders, and enclosed spaces – to a degree.

I do not fear death.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

At Kaiser. Haha! Honestly, I have no idea. 5 years ago I did not expect to be working at Kaiser any more, and I am. And I love it. And 5 years ago I didn't expect to be married, and I am. And I love it. I hope that I'll have kids by then. Maybe we'll be living in that "other place" to see what it's like. Maybe I won't be working because I'll be a full-time mom. Maybe I'll be a writer. Maybe I'll be an astronaut! I don't worry too much about that stuff. It's out of my hands anyway, right?

Childhood and Family

Where were you born?

Earth.

If you want to be precise: Huntington Memorial Hospital in Pasadena, California. I haven’t gone far, either, except for the occasional “walkabout.”

What do you admire most about your parents?

That they’re still together and loving each other. They have a willingness to make it work. And after all this time, they know each other well enough to understand how they work. My dad researches things to death before acting; my mom knows this and gives him space to do it. My mom is very emotional and sometimes reacts without thinking; my dad balances her and gets her to stop and reflect before making decisions. They have a deep respect and love for each other, and they truly enjoy each other’s company.

What did you want to be when you were a child?

When I was very young, I wanted to be a nurse, like my mom. I don't remember when I decided that wasn't for me, but it probably had something to do with realizing I didn't want to poke people with needles and I couldn't really handle the blood & guts. There was a time that I wanted to be an astronaut. Who doesn't?! And then for a period I wanted to be an astronomer. When I realized how much math is involved in astronomy - and finally admitted that math is not my strong suit - I gave up on that one. Since I couldn't live in the future on the Enterprise (1701-D!), I started thinking about writing and editing for a book publisher. And always, at the back of everything, was a fervent wish to be a wife and mommy. One down, one billion to go!

Did you have a nickname? How’d you get it?

I’ve had several nicknames throughout my life. The earliest were Jessa Mae – a name only my mom calls me – and Jecca. The second was my cousin’s inability to say Jessica when I was born and my uncle called me that my whole life, even when I worked for him. I try to get over the association between him and that nickname because I really love the name, but there’s no love lost between he and I.

School and Education

What are your best memories of grade school/ high school/ college/ graduate school? Worst memories?

From Kindergarten through 8^th grade, my favorite memory is back rubs during nap time (at preschool).

My favorite high school memories are a montage of mornings spent in the German classroom, hanging out with Frau Campbell before school started; the passion of my AP US History teacher, Mr Coccaro; being trusted to take a self-directed study course in English (Ms Swanson); every minute in Mr Jansson’s English class!; participating in the Academic Decathlon with my friends and the advisor Mr Scheideman; and being told by Mr Perez, my ceramics teacher, that he displayed my work at a gallery show he hosted.

My favorite memories of college are also somewhat mashed together. Realizing that my friend Lisa and I were (are still!) kindred spirits is one of the best. Meeting Lloyd and having my mind blown by English literature is another. And passing my poetry class with an A – when the professor swore up and down that it was impossible to get an A in his class if you hadn’t taken a poetry composition class before (and I hadn’t) – was a triumph!

Worst memories I will keep to myself because they generally prove that I’m not always making the best decisions. I promise that I learned from each one, though. I’d like to add that I regret nothing; all those decisions (good and bad) have made me who I am now.

What kind of student were you?

This depends on which class I was in. I didn’t get along well with math and science classes, so I was a poor student in those. I did try to pay attention, but in some cases I couldn’t even be bothered to attend. It’s hard to pay attention when you’re not even there. (I’d like to add that I only skipped classes when I was in college; I never ditched in high school except on Senior Ditch Day, because it was expected.) In my English and History classes, and arts and German, I was a great student. I excelled for the most part and participated almost to the exclusion – and annoyance – of the other students. I wasn’t a “know it all” – I was a “know most of it”! I always got my homework done and had high marks in the classes I loved.

Was there a teacher or teachers who had a particularly strong influence on your life? Tell me about them.

The teachers I mentioned before were amazing. I even remember Mrs Ross & Linda Ayala from preschool & kindergarten. In Junior High there was Mr Pagano. I tried recently to get in touch with him again, but he’s a principal now and it was difficult to catch his attention. High School had Frau Campbell, Mr Coccaro, Mr Jansson and Mr Perez. They had such passion for their subjects, and such a genuine desire to see their students succeed. When I took the AP US History test, Mr Coccaro paced the floor on the other side of the locked door for three hours; he was more nervous than we were. Lloyd – Dr Kermode – at CSULB was also a great influence. The love these instructors have for their subjects and students is inspiring.

Marriage and Commitment

How did you meet your husband? How did you know he was “the one”?

I met Jason on eHarmony. There was an instant connection when I saw his picture and read his profile. The things he said were things I’ve said many times before in my life: I have so much to share, if someone would just give me a chance. I felt like I already knew him. When we met in person for the first time, I just knew he was the one. I’m not sure exactly what it was, but I knew; I felt like we’d known each other for years, there was some kind of soul connection.

How did he propose?

We were in Vegas at a work function. He marched me out into the heat of the strip in April for a “trek”. Get it? Trek? Our destination was Star Trek: The Experience, which was then housed at the Las Vegas Hilton. We rode the rides and took pictures, etc. We sat down for lunch. He asked for his camera bag and took out a small red box. He opened it, showed me the ring, and asked if I would marry him. Of course, I cried, and said yes. The waitress took our picture. On the backstage tour after lunch, we got a chance to sign the guest book and proclaim our love for each other!

Do you have any favorite stories from your marriage, or about your husband?

We've just passed the year mark, so I’m not sure there are any great stories to tell. I think getting engaged in one of the geekiest places possible is our best story so far.

Work

What do you do for a living?

I used to say “glorified paper pusher.” I have more respect for my job these days. Especially when I’M NUMBER ONE! I’M NUMBER ONE! (Zack, my sales rep, and I have the highest enrollment rate for August!) I enroll small businesses in health insurance at Kaiser. I believe in the products we sell and benefits we provide to our customers. And I have a lot of side-line projects for management that keep me busy and engaged. I’m currently a Super User (no cape, unfortunately) for a new program rolling out in two weeks. It’s my job to organize training for the team – which includes my manager, in this case.

Tell me how you got into your line of work.

Well, as you can see from “what did you want to be when you were a child,” it was always my dream to work in the insurance industry. Actually, I was working for a law firm during college breaks and they hired me full time after my graduation. Then 9/11 happened. They had clients in the Twin Towers in NYC. They lost a lot of business. Last in, first out – I was laid off. I went to a temp agency and was directed to Kaiser. At the time, I’d only heard horror stories (mostly from my friend who was an EMT), and I thought I didn’t want to be affiliated with them. I walked away. Five minutes later, I walked back. I had no job! Who was I to be picky?! It was a great decision. Three months after I started temping, I was hired. Seven point five years later, I see no reason to leave.

What lessons has your work life taught you?

Here’s where patience comes in. And communication! They give us classes on how to talk to each other, and you’d think they were the lamest classes ever. Well, they kind of are, but they make an excellent point. Most of us make stuff up when we get information – we filter through our individual nets of experiences, morals & values, etc. We’re not necessarily getting the real information that we’re intended to get because we’re judging it and filtering it as it comes in. We’re also largely listening for our chance to talk, instead of listening to understand. It’s amazing how this stuff has changed my personal life, not just my work life.

Do you have any favorite stories from you work life?

In recent years, we’ve done a Secret Santa gift exchange at Christmas. One year, I got Louis - who fancies himself a comedian - on the back he’d written only “60 inch Bravia flat TV.” What? The limit was $20! With help from friends, I obtained a Bravia box – sans TV – and spent about $5 on wrapping paper. When the time came, I borrowed a huge hand cart from our mail room and brought the gift up from my car. I presented it to Louis. The look on his face was surprise and disbelief – he knew there was no way he was actually getting that TV, so what could it be? When he discovered the box was empty, he laughed so hard and actually hugged me! Later he told me that was one of the best jokes he’d ever seen.

Religion and Spirituality

Can you tell me about your religious/spiritual beliefs?

I don’t have a religion. Religion is too constricting. I believe each of us is Divine but we’ve forgotten it. For about 10 years now, I have followed the teachings of Hinduism. I pray and meditate and chant mantras. I experience a lot more peace in my life now than ever before. I have seen my prayers answered. I’ve learned to be more open to my intuition and the subtle ways God guides me.

My favorite God is Ganesh - the Remover of Obstacles – with the body of a man and the head of an elephant. Any time I am dealing with an issue, I pray first to Ganesh to help clear a way to the solution. Whether or not to look for a new job; a tough conversation that needs to happen; even when I was ready to find my husband; I pray first to Ganesh.

I believe in reincarnation; I’ve seen some of my past lives in meditation. (Some people like to think they were someone famous. Not everyone can be the King of England. I was never anyone famous, someone whose name you’d know now, but in some cases I was prominent in the communities I was part of.) I believe we keep reincarnating until we’ve learned everything we’re meant to learn and achieved enlightenment. We reincarnate to balance our karma. To put it in super simple terms: if a person is evil in one life, that person will reincarnate into lives where someone will commit evil acts against him/her until that person becomes more compassionate and loving.

I don’t believe there is a hell, not as an ultimate destination. Hell is having to reincarnate over and over because of karma. Hell is being separated from God and forgetting our own innate divinity.

Have you experienced any miracles?

I have seen God. I smell roses – the scent of the Divine Mother – at times of difficulty; I know she is watching over me, guiding and protecting. I have heard God speak to me and say my name. I have asked God for protection and seen it happen instantly. I have lived for 30 years now – every day is a miracle.

Do you believe in an afterlife? What do you think it will be like?

I think we eventually go to Heaven, to be in constant communion with God. Until then, we reincarnate until we’ve achieved total enlightenment. Even then, some souls return to human bodies to help lead others to enlightenment and the joy of knowing God and remembering their divinity.

When you meet God, what would you want to say to Him?

Thank you.

Ethnicity and Family Heritage

What is your ethnic background?

I’m a bit of a mutt. My father is ½ Italian; I’m ¼ Italian. My mother has some German and English in her. Dad’s name is Cifelli – pretty Itialian. Mom’s maiden name was Boxley – pretty English.

Where is your mom’s family from? Where is your dad’s family from?

Both of my parents grew up in Southern California; my mom’s family history is mostly set in Southern California and my dad’s father grew up in Rhode Island. We don’t know where my mom’s family came from originally, but my dad’s family has been traced back to a village in Italy (in the ankle – hehe!).

What traditions have been passed down in your family?

There aren’t any traditions that I can think of that have been passed down, but we’ve started building our own. One Thanksgiving, my mom was pretty sick and asked my dad to get us out of the house. He took us bowling. I can’t remember how many years ago that was, but we’ve gone bowling every Thanksgiving since then.

What are the classic family stories? Jokes? Songs?

Our best story is reminiscent of a Far Side comic. We were in Flagstaff, Arizona on vacation. I was 16. We went up to the Lowell Observatory to look at the exhibits. We parked and walked up to the front entrance. I turned the door handle and pushed. The door didn’t open. I peered inside. I could see people all over. I turned the family – “maybe it’s a private party….?” We went back to the hotel. My dad called the observatory and explained the trouble. Their response: “Did you pull?” Uh…. ;)