Once again...

I am reminded how incredible god is.

It's always a struggle for me to relinquish control of things. Lately, my biggest worldly concern has been money. Today I got the paystub that will be directly deposited to my checking account at midnight tonight: god has provided once again. I will be able to pay a large portion of a large debt, still afford my rent and other bills, and pay off the damage I caused in that little fender bender in September.

I have also been reflecting on how blessed I am. As frustrated as I can get with where my life is right now, it's not so bad when I look at the big picture. I have a good job, I have family and friends who look out for me and take care of me in myriad ways, and there are so many people I am blessed to know and care about. How empty life would be without those blessings.

Over the past year, through struggles I thought I might not see the end of - when all I wanted was to crawl under a rock and disappear until the end of time - I relearned how to pray. Or maybe I learned how to really pray properly for the first time. I connected with god in a way I haven't felt before. Now I can feel god around me all the time and I know to talk to him even when things are good, and thank him for the blessings I've been given, even while I'm tortured and suffering. I am thankful for the call home.

Blessings and love to all of you. Namaste.

ps: I just found out that my car insurance will go down because I'm moving back to Monrovia, and it's nearly $400 lower than last year's premium!