Recently I was involved in a very minor car accident. I was house sitting for my friends, Lloyd & the fam, in Long Beach. I was trying to be gone before they got home, so they could rest, but that didn't work out and they let me stay - to help keep them awake - they had just finished a 20 hour flight from South Africa and had to stay up till at least 9:00 pm to readjust to our time. Lloyd ordered dinner, and for reasons only the Fates know, decided we should go pick it up instead of having the place deliver for free.
So we go out to the car in the driveway, I start backing out (he's way too tired to drive safely), he says "car... CAR!" and there's a thump. I had backed into his neighbor's car parked at the opposite curb. He then said "what the F***?!" and got out to look at the damage, which actually didn't seem too bad. Just paint scratches on his car, and a small-to-medium dent in the driver's wheel well of the other car. Of course, I wanted to crawl under a rock & die. We went ahead & got our food, came home, he put a note on their car (there was no one home) and consoled me the whole evening.
On Tuesday he emailed me - it was much worse than either of us thought - over $900 (he didn't say how much over). Labor is the worst... if it was just parts, it'd probably only be $400ish, and he said he'd not even bother me for the money. But he said we could split it, unless I wanted to call my insurance company - which I didn't, of course.
But ever since I hit that car, I had been dreaming of the incident, especially him saying "what the F?!" So I sent off my half. Then I decided that I would pay him back the other $450 - if the accident was all my fault, paying for it should be all my responsibility. If he'll tell me how much over $900 it was, I'll give him all of that, too. And if he doesn't want it, he can set it aside for his son.
As soon as I made that decision, I stopped dreaming about it. And I realized two things. 1) Some things you just can't change. 2) It doesn't matter what anyone thinks of you, it's what you do that matters. I actually wrote in my journal: "disengage the ego". It's great. He could hate me for eternity now (which I know he doesn't) and it wouldn't matter, because I'm doing what is within my means to correct what I did wrong. And that's what counts.
Isn't personal growth fantastic?! For all it can be painful sometimes, I really prefer it this way. And I'm catching on to the lesson at the heart faster & faster every time. Yay for me!
(complete side track: Johnny Cash on Jack FM! They're finally catching on!)
Saturday, September 23, 2006
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