Brokeback Mountain (part 2)

I don't think Jack's parents knew how he died, but they did know why, and they did know (or could tell when they met Ennis) that Ennis was more than a buddy. I think his dad would've killed Jack but murder is against the bible (he might have killed Ennis, too, if he thought he could get away with it). And it was a last slap in the face to bury him in the family plot instead of letting his ashes be taken to a place he loved - because of what that place represented to Jack, his father would have never done it. It was like his father was turning his back on him again. And just like Jack said he could never make his dad happy, his dad would never let him be happy.

His mother was much more sympathetic, but completely under his father's thumb. The most she could do was give Ennis the shirt & jacket out of Jack's closet. Geez, that killed me, to see that shirt hanging there, still bloody. The shirt Ennis thought he'd left up on the mountain... to find out that Jack had it. I think that's what turned Ennis around, to try to live his life with some joy instead of hiding from it.

I don't understand the fight up there, right before they came back down. Was it trying to make them hate each other, to make parting easier?

I totally cried when they saw each other again after 4 years, when Alma saw them. When they hugged, and then Ennis pushed Jack out sight & kissed him. It was like they were going to explode. And not from sexual desire, although that was there. It was the longing, the emotional desire. Like Jack said much later "sometimes I miss you so much I can't hardly stand it." I can't imagine what that feels like, I don't think I've ever been close to that feeling.

That's another thing I left with. There was that sense of loss. Even though Jack & Ennis loved each other to death, and given different circumstances would've done anything for each other, they didn't have everything. They never could, because Ennis wouldn't let them. He gave up his happiness for safety. Maybe he made the right choice, consdiering how Jack died, but think of everything he lost long before Jack died. And then the loss of a life, for any reason, would've torn me up by then, I was so emotionally raw.

But I also came away with this almost oppressive feeling that my life is lacking. It comes back to how we both know that I have this enormous capacity for love, the kind that could smother someone, and no one to give it to right now. When I find someone that can survive me, and love me back just as hard, it'll be like Jack & Ennis. But until then this emptiness keeps swirling around inside. I try to ignore it, but things like this movie remind me of what's missing, and it blows up into this internal black hole for a while, until I can get control and push it back down again. I wasn't expecting that. Sometimes I'm too emotional, but I'd rather deal w/ that pain than to not feel anything at all.